“Hidey-ho, neighbor!”
Wilson, (Home Improvement)
“I think the message to psychos, fanatics, murderers, nutcases all over the world is ‘do not mess with suburbanites’!"
Art, (The ‘Burbs)
“The Game of Nutty Neighborhood Nonsense!”
Suburban Wars, (Epic Age Media)
DISCIPLE
Good news, Master!
HIGH LORD SHADE
What is it my child?
DISCIPLE
I have acquired a new dwelling!
HIGH LORD SHADE
Excellent.
DISCIPLE
But that is not all. I also have a new vehicle.
HIGH LORD SHADE
Superb.
DISCIPLE
And I have beautified the land surrounding my property!
HIGH LORD SHADE
Admirable.
DISCIPLE
Now I am the most successful individual in my community.
HIGH LORD SHADE
Congratulations.
DISCIPLE
Others look upon me with envy!
HIGH LORD SHADE
Ah, I see you have been engaged in the Suburban Wars.
DISCIPLE
Have I?
HIGH LORD SHADE
Indeed. It is an entertainment that I devised long ago.
DISCIPLE
Truly?
HIGH LORD SHADE
Yes. Only what I had designed in card form has taken on a life of its own. Originally it was intended to mock those who thought it impressive to outdo their neighbors with material goods, as well as excessive social celebrations.
DISCIPLE
But I enjoy celebrating the holidays…
HIGH LORD SHADE
And so you should. Just not at the expense of another’s pride.
DISCIPLE
Oh.
HIGH LORD SHADE
Have you also made attempts to sabotage your neighbors in order to improve your standing in society?
DISCIPLE
Well, yes. Minor things…
HIGH LORD SHADE
Hmm. Have you also conspired with others to that end?
DISCIPLE
A little.
HIGH LORD SHADE
I see. It appears you have grasped the concepts of this game very well.
DISCIPLE
I suppose.
HIGH LORD SHADE
And has it made you happy?
DISCIPLE
Somewhat.
HIGH LORD SHADE
And have others been peeved at your actions?
DISCIPLE
Occasionally.
HIGH LORD SHADE
And what can you learn from this?
DISCIPLE
That I should give it all up and live a simple life!
HIGH LORD SHADE
Not necessarily.
DISCIPLE
Then what?
HIGH LORD SHADE
You should never give up the quest for success or happiness. Just be sure to save the competitiveness for the card game.
DISCIPLE
I will, Master.
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