• James Shade

Time to Retaliate!

“Hidey-ho, neighbor!”

Wilson, (Home Improvement)


“I think the message to psychos, fanatics, murderers, nutcases all over the world is ‘do not mess with suburbanites’!"

Art, (The ‘Burbs)


“The Game of Nutty Neighborhood Nonsense!”

Suburban Wars, (Epic Age Media)


DISCIPLE

Good news, Master!


HIGH LORD SHADE

What is it my child?


DISCIPLE

I have acquired a new dwelling!


HIGH LORD SHADE

Excellent.


DISCIPLE

But that is not all. I also have a new vehicle.


HIGH LORD SHADE

Superb.


DISCIPLE

And I have beautified the land surrounding my property!


HIGH LORD SHADE

Admirable.


DISCIPLE

Now I am the most successful individual in my community.


HIGH LORD SHADE

Congratulations.


DISCIPLE

Others look upon me with envy!


HIGH LORD SHADE

Ah, I see you have been engaged in the Suburban Wars.


DISCIPLE

Have I?


HIGH LORD SHADE

Indeed. It is an entertainment that I devised long ago.


DISCIPLE

Truly?


HIGH LORD SHADE

Yes. Only what I had designed in card form has taken on a life of its own. Originally it was intended to mock those who thought it impressive to outdo their neighbors with material goods, as well as excessive social celebrations.


DISCIPLE

But I enjoy celebrating the holidays…


HIGH LORD SHADE

And so you should. Just not at the expense of another’s pride.


DISCIPLE

Oh.


HIGH LORD SHADE

Have you also made attempts to sabotage your neighbors in order to improve your standing in society?


DISCIPLE

Well, yes. Minor things…


HIGH LORD SHADE

Hmm. Have you also conspired with others to that end?


DISCIPLE

A little.


HIGH LORD SHADE

I see. It appears you have grasped the concepts of this game very well.


DISCIPLE

I suppose.


HIGH LORD SHADE

And has it made you happy?


DISCIPLE

Somewhat.


HIGH LORD SHADE

And have others been peeved at your actions?


DISCIPLE

Occasionally.


HIGH LORD SHADE

And what can you learn from this?


DISCIPLE

That I should give it all up and live a simple life!


HIGH LORD SHADE

Not necessarily.


DISCIPLE

Then what?


HIGH LORD SHADE

You should never give up the quest for success or happiness. Just be sure to save the competitiveness for the card game.


DISCIPLE

I will, Master.